Oprah's Lifeclass #4 - The Truth WILL Set You Free
Coming to class? Tonight's question is particularly relevant:
What secret are you sick of keeping?
When are you going to free yourself by telling it?*
I'm slowly coming out of the "Fall" from this morning, and am looking forward to going to bed for real in a bit.
However, tonight's topic is too good to not blog.
Secrets.
We all got 'em.
We all keep 'em.
So what are yours?
Mine?
Mine are hard. Aren't they all?
Ya'll know I'm adopted.
I secretly wish I wasn't.
But.
Not for the reasons you think.
I was adopted by a closeted lesbian who, along with my other mother, her partner of 10 years, raised me in an accepting and open home while NEVER being open and honest with me.
When they separated, I blamed myself.
Not till a few years later did I realize that the reason for their "divorce" was my "Auntie Donna" wanting to be out.
After their separation she was/is and moved away with her partner.
I resented her leaving and more than ANYTHING: MORE. THEN. ANYTHING...I wanted to live with her.
I was left with the closeted mom.
The mother who could not be her authentic self.
I resented, no, I resent her. Her dishonesty. Her shame. Her hurt.
It's funny because in my own heterosexual life I've become an ally for GLBT friend and youth.
I never want anyone to feel the way that my parents felt.
I never want anyone to feel the way their LIFE impacted me.
I realize their secrets are not mine, but they build my secret of wishing I were never adopted.
When my biological mother found me on Facebook, the first thing I looked for in her writing was was she like me? Did we share the same heart of openness and kindness towards others.
One of her first emails was, "I hope you can forgive me for being honest that I couldn't take care of you. God knows I loved you.
I told him everyday to make sure your heart was open and that you were given every thing you needed."
I sat at my computer and bawled.
The woman who gave me life, and gave me up, also never lied to me.
Her honesty envelopes me to this day.
Her honesty has healed me on some level because biologically there is a part of me that allows me to live openly, even if my "mothers" could never do that for themselves.
The truth inevitably sets you free.
One day, my mother will be honest too.
- You will not have the life you deserve if you are not honest with who you are.
- Shame is a very isolating emotion.
- When we hold secrets, you build shame.
- Audre Lorde - "The more I use my strength my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave a little L.O.V.E