CrossFit Family

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Since I've started this journey of a thousand miles, I never completely comprehended how dramastically (bahahahaha), my life would change.

Ehem, drastically and dramatically.

:)

I was certainly not happy.
Not even close.
But outwardly to the world?
No one ever had a clue.
People saw me as resilient and cheerful.

Life of the party.
Bad day?  You'd want me around to help you see that the sun will rise tomorrow.
My faith in God and his plan was deep.
And unwavering even in my darkest hours.
And believe me, last year, this time, things were pretty D-A-R-K.

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If I had to measure my value, or self worth this time last year?
Negative 3.
Negative.

I had no self worth and worst of all, the mirror and the scale OWNed me.

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Obviously - things are changing.
I'm growing.
I'm learning.
Opening up.
Sharing.
Loving.
Working out.
Generally, I'm on the up and up :)


And it all FEELS so very GOOD!

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That all being stated, I'm not doing any of it alone.
I couldn't be.
I don't think you try to change your life on your own time and time again and fail, and then one day wake up and suddenly you can change.
SUPPORT networks are my personal key to change.
I've never had one.
Never knew I was missing one.
I have incredible friends.  But.  No one that really sits in my support team corner

Support teams are different.
When they speak, you listen and process.
You reflect.
You discuss.
They love.
They ask you to look at it from a variety of vantage points.

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And so, where did I find my support network, you ask?
Because if you know me, it's not my family.
It can't be.  
They need their own support network and that's not going to be me anymore.
And I just said there is a big difference between friends and support.
One word changed my life and provided support.

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Crossfit.

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My "box", my coaches, my trainer, my team.
Changed.
My. 
Life.

They've become my family.
Going to my box everyday is like going home.
I leave my house and head to my second home and for a few short minutes, I can be the warrior.

That's my name, you know?
At the box, the warrior can come out.

And I can jump rope and sit up.
And I can run and row.
And I can lift and dream.

And I am free to be me.
Imperfections and all.
And boy howdy, can I be imperfect.

My crossfit family has saved/changed my life.
And while that may seem a bit of a big thing to say - I guess it's more important to say that I'VE SAVED my own life.
I have.
And the warrior who lives within, gets saved everyday by a family of people who really know nothing about me or my journey.
Just that I work hard.
Every day.
And finish.
And try for standard.
And do my best.
And that, is why they love me.

And even more, why I love them.

☮, Smiley, ♥,

A Good Laugh

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I am a mom.

Okay.

You caught me.

I'm not really a mom.

But I take care of 32 kids.

I'm like their mom.

One of them is 14.

She is a ballerina.

She makes me laugh, a lot.

14 is SUCH a fun age.  It really is.
14 and innocent.  I can't speak for 14 and dating.  Or 14 and pregnant.  Or 14 and defiant.

But 14 and innocent.

It's amazeballs.

Anyways, "Abster" as she'll forever be known and I were walking to get her cell phone, which, surprise, surprise, she left at school.

While we were walking I asked about her new costume for dance.

Her reply was, "It's okay."

I probed and asked what okay meant.

"I look like a sparkly car wash," she retorted matter of factly.

I could picture her in her magenta and sequenced sparkly car wash instantly.

LOVE that child.
☮, Smiley, ♥,

When The Summer Came

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July 2011
These days?

Oh, these days.

Crazy busy, crazy crazy, crazy good days.

These are the days when I miss blogging.

What I wouldn't give to read the thoughts that were in my head 5 months ago!

What I wouldn't give to speak to myself from January.

Or even September.

Or even June.

"It's going to be AWESOME."

"It's going to be better than you've ever imagined."

"I have plans for you, Daughter of mine."

I'd tell myself to LET GO and LET GOD.

I'd listen to the Jayne when she told me that Philadelphia was too far.
And to Little Man George when he told me he knew I couldn't stay away too long.

I'd listen to my heart.

I'd learn to love myself.

I…

Truth is, we can't really go back and tell ourselves anything, but if I could, the most important thing I'd relay is TO HANG IN THERE.

The getting is going to be so good.

And things are getting better by the minute.

Capital P promise!
☮, Smiley, ♥,

Whit.

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Seriously?

A whole bunch of my girls arrived home from a night out announcing loudly her passing.

The news kinda washed over me.

I lasted about 5 minutes before I excused myself.

And teared up.

When I was growing up, she was my LIFE.

She and Mariah Carey.

Raised me.

I could spend, probably will at some point, a considerable amount of time recounting all the things she meant to me growing up.

But.

This song.

This movie.

For a little brown girl in Massachusetts…
Well, it was up their with Dr. King.


Busy like a Bee and YOU LOVE IT!

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Did I fail to mention how much I love my job?

AND.

HOW BUSY I AM?

I love it.

No, I mean like…really love it.

But I barely have time for people I need to make time for.

All of YE in blog land being a part of this.

SPECIFICALLY THE BERTRAMS.

Who got neglected today for a 3 hour phone call with the Foote's and then the Engelson's. :)

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Philadelphia is still amazing.
I'm still loving all my residents and the school, while painfully unorganized is coming together.

My LOVES this week go out to:

*The Gingers.  All of them, yes, Maggles, even you.
*Boston.  Yes, Maggles, even you.
*Little Man George gift boxes with home made drawings and I love you posters.

*AMAZING 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and last dates :)  BAHAHAHAHA.

*INCREDIBLE staff who allow me to be me.  Including T, who can laugh at me when I'm being ridiculous.  G-LU-M, yes I did just spell glum. :)  Oh, and rend dez vows.  And all of it.

*Philadelphia.  PA.  You know how we do.

*Shout out to Mace, in a pink bottle.
*Oh hey, SYTYCD auditions.


*What Up, Extremely Loud and Incredible Close - you were more than I imagined your movie could be.  Less than the book, but still, pretty impactful.

*What's real good?  Going out to my GH in Chi Town, Santa Monica, and Ohio.  I lurve you, like brothers.

I think that's it.

Oh.

Hey.

Look what I can do:
Our new sign in and out board curtesy of the beautiful mind of Miss Heather.
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His Dreams

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I learned a long time ago that in life, it is FAR, FAR, FAR better to help others than to help yourself.

Sometimes you have to take care of #1, but in reality, I FEEL better, my WHOLE heart feels whole, when I'm in service to the Lord and in service to others.

So that is why.

His Dreams.

The ones he has kept since he was a little boy in a town in Columbia touch me the way they do.

His Dreams.

The ones where he dances and all eyes are on him.

His Dreams.

The one where money doesn't hold him back, but comes to him in reward for his effort.

His Dreams.

Where his family sees his success.

Those dreams.

Keep me up at night.

Toss me in my bed.

Where I wonder if I can go without pay this week for his dreams.
Where I wonder if I can go without meals this week for this dreams.

He is not my son.
He's old enough to be a sibling.

But, he is in my heart the way a son would be.

And his Dreams fill my heart with the joy and hope he lives his life with.

I suppose that's what parents really feel like.
Like they carry their child's dreams in their heart and it breaks when the road is difficult.
It breaks when the road is not fair.
Or people are unkind.  
It breaks.

His dreams.

Are beautiful.


☮, Smiley, ♥,

Journeys have no end?

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When I was a little girl, like, little, little, I wanted to go on an epic journey.

Like the one Miss Rumphius takes in her story.

Around the world.  A journey of a hundred thousand miles.
And I would see the world and travel to many great places and meet many wonderful people.
My prayers every night included some for the orphans of the world and that maybe one day, I would be able to help them.

My prayers included one day being able to give back some of what had been given to me.

My belief in God as my salvation was strong growing up.
I'd wake to him every morning, invite him to stay with me throughout the day and watch as his majesty was thrust upon me in so many wonderful ways.

When I was little, like a teenager little, I still dreamed in bright colors but realized that bringing those dreams to fruition would not be as easy as I had originally planned.  They cost money and you'd never want to travel alone, and sometimes your dreams are just that, dreams you can never realize but that propel you forward in your pursuit.

When I was 21, I realized one big dream.  I finished my bachelors.  When I was 22, I realized a second, and finished my masters.

Fulfilling dreams is EMPOWERING.  Like, change your life empowering.

Then.

My dreams stalled.

They fell to the wayside and life started happening.  8 years later, I am still trying to figure out where they went and why I stopped caring about them.  I have a strong suspicion that God has hand in that. 

That old, never more than you can handle idea.

BRB :)

☮, Smiley, ♥,

LMG, OMG.

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Little Man George and I had an early morning, on the way to school kinda of conversation this morning.

I miss the heck outta that child.
It's insane.
Technically, I miss the heck out of the Bertram's, but LMG and I.
Well, you know.
"That's why she's so awesome."

Every sentence he started was, "Do you remember when?"
And then he'd have a funny story.
Half of them I remembered.
Half of them, I'm not really sure LMG even did.

But I j'adore that child.

"Do you remember that movie that had that big thing like, a big purple monster?"
"Sort of."
"And do you remember, when it was like, I'm going to…GRRRRRROWL!?"
"Um, sure."
"That was pretty cool, wasn't it?"
I die laughing.

I watched an episode of Modern Family for like 5 minutes today.  
My supposed day off.  
Which is really code for: your boss will come over at 9am, you're not dressed, not showered, in dirty pi's, and making appointments.

Great times.

Anyways, Lily had a funny part and Cam was laughing at her and it reminded me of LMG.  And how everything that child says is hysterical.

Hys.  Terical.

And I miss him.

I had a pretty great night with some of my residents.  We had a s'mores and would you rather night.  Tonight, I think we'll play…mafia perhaps?

Philadelphia Fun

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Today was…er….is, an Alexander kind of day.

You know?

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

That Alexander kind of day.

New jobs are GREAT.  Especially when they pay for you to live, and eat, and survive in a new city.

New jobs are TOUGH when you're not exactly sure what you're doing, and if you're doing it right. 
New jobs are tough when old people leave nothing and so you reinvent the wheel.

Joy.

My "Free" Wall Calendar.  Created with extra scrap squares and hung with ticky tack. :)  Joy.
I received a phone call last night.
A weird, LA number.

And they left a message.
Maybe that's the start of something new.
I told the people on the phone that I'd only been in Philly for 36 hours.
Actually it's more like three weeks.
But.
In exploring the city, 36 hours is pretty accurate.  2 dates.
1 dinner.
That's about all of this city I've seen.

I'm hoping tomorrow (my sort of day off), I'll be able to run errands, mail thank you notes, and see something else in the city besides my building, the studios, or I-95.

The entryway to my new loft :).  Double Joy.


2012 and Oil Drip Pans

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Here we are.  Philadelphia.

A lot of fun.
A lot of work.
I've been busy crafting some new things for my studio apartment.
There are some exhausting and some exciting things coming up.

I started with my favorite Oil Drip Pan from Wal Mart.
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and my new bedding, $40 at Walmart for my queen sized bed, plus 20 sheets from Le Target, inspired my new color scheme.



The Color Scheme:
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Where to hang?  Headboard needed.  I have a beautiful exposed brick wall in my room that flanks the bed, but needs some pizzaz.
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Pizzazz!

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More Pizzazz!
2012-01-10 at 03:34.pngIt has been difficult to leave the Bertrams, and especially my boys, but something tells me this city has something amazing for me.
It's weird the way 2011 began with such anxiety and ended with such hope.
Hope that I think will make 2012 one of the best years ever.
When I arrived to the condo provided by my new employer, and took a look at my surroundings, I immediately felt a piece of me was home, it reminds of being at the ballet in Boston.

Philadelphia Love

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If you even knew?!

How many pictures I have to share of all my new adventures!

You'd freak out.

FREAK OUT!

BUT.

I can't up load them to my new work mac (which I'm working on right now).

But as soon as I sit down to my own computer, which seems like forever from now, right?

I'll load those bad boys, they include new Moroccan bedding, exposed brick walls, homemade magnetic head boards and lots of other excitement!

Most important.

~Miss the Bertrams like Whoa!
~Falling in love with the City and falling in love!
~BEST STAFF EVER.
~Majorino and Shore are my new favs.
~BEST RESIDENTS EVER. (okay, well, arguable summer '09 was the best residents ever...but you know what I mean.)
~Miss my family like WHOA!
~LOVED getting to see NINA ninners.
~Le Target Boutique and I are in a LOVE AFFIAR.
LOVE.  AFFAIR.

And finally, my "sister" who has, at times, been referred to as annoying on the blog, will temporarily relieve herself of that status by bringing me the rest of my life from Massachusetts.

Hooray.
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