Oprah's Lifeclass #13: When People Show You Who They Are...
I had to run to class today. Busy. Busy. Busy. Bam. Here it is:
When people show you or tell you who they really are...BELIEVE THEM! My last two posts were long, and the understanding of her lessons was long. This was just validating:
When the accountant and I started dating, he was a close to college drop out, party animal, who let his parents take care of him.
I fell for the man who would end up taking care of the sophomore in high school girl I was.
He was always ready for a good time.
Always ready to make me smile.
But, he was never hard working, and often felt lost. He refused to stand up to his parents when they were just wrong.
When he finally figured out school was important he never handled stress well, and that came to a head on 4th of July weekend when he pushed me to the ground and slapped me across the face in front of our friends.
By that point we had dated for three years and I told myself that it wasn't typical behavior.
We dated for 8 years and then he proposed.
My whisper voice was there and said, NO.
This is not he man you want to marry.
This is not the family you want to be a part of.
Less than a year later he proposed again.
I said yes.
We were with friends, it was Thanksgiving and he HAD always been there.
But I knew I didn't want to.
I knew it the first time, I knew it the second time.
I knew it when his parents told him I wasn't right for him.
I knew it when he moved to Michigan and left me in Massachusetts.
I knew it when I talked to our friends.
He loved me more than I loved him.
And I was scared of change.
And I was scared of losing our mutual friends.
And I was scared of being alone.
And I was scared of being a failure.
So I stayed.
Until he pushed me away.
He dated someone else.
Not out of malice, just out of, "SEE ME" - his ego.
And for the first time, 11 years after our relationship started, I did.
I saw that sophomore in college with no drive, not determination, no ability to stand up to his parents, who didn't want children, and wanted someone to take care of him.
And I realized, that's who he had always been.
That's who he always told me he was.
And I didn't want to see it, because that's not who I wanted to be with.
I didn't see it.
Until I did.
I packed up things and I went on my way.
A little more than 2 years later, we are "friends", godparents to his two BEAUTIFUL nieces, we can sit in the same room and chat, like chums.
The feelings and the drama feel like memories lived a lifetime ago.
But.
You can't help but wonder who could have been if I hadn't been with him for so long.
Who would I be?
The minute people tell or show you who they are, believe them.
Or, as THE Ms. Iyanla Vanzant would say, "If you see crazy coming, CROSS THE STREET!"
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