Interviews and belly aches
You would not believe the morning!
First and foremost, I think it's important to share that it's FALL in New England and we're excepting 1-3" of snow this evening.
Did I mention it's AUTUMN?
And OCTOBER?
What the huh?
Anyways, for a gal who has an eternal love for all things fall, this snow is a little bit of a sad day.
Also, sad blog day.
I got everything the way I wanted could live with.
Then I started working on my testy blog because in truth, I really want a blank background, but everything else has to gel for that work.
Instead of working in my testy blog like I thought I was...I started deleting things from my actual blog.
It was 5:45am and I was ready to cry.
I'm not sleeping well...read...2-3 hours a night.
I'm nauseous.
Have headaches.
No appetite.
And no, unless I'm the immaculate conception, I'm not pregnant.
It's stress.
Which stresses me out because I'm trying my darndest to not let myself be stressed out.
I have the time and money to figure out what I want to do next.
But I keep getting called for interviews.
And that makes me nervous.
Will I have the willpower to turn down the next job because it's not what I really want?
Or, will I cave.
They called last night for a job I think I could survive for a little while.
But.
It's a 45 minute commute. Boo.
It's not my dream job. Boo.
There's travel within the job. Boo. Boo.
And you know what Oprah and I are thinking?
I'm scared I won't be good enough.
WHAT?!
It's true.
At least with teaching and my previous jobs, I KNEW I WAS GOOD.
Parents told me.
Peers told me.
Kids told me.
But.
This is all new.
What if I'm not great or even good?
Even scarier, what if I'm miserable?
I know I could hand miserable after a year like I've had, I could.
I'm stronger now, the question is - do I want to?
We'll see.
Meanwhile, when those College Counseling jobs I dream about (during my 1.5 hours of rem sleep) open up, I'll be applying.
:)
P.S: You wanna know what 1.5hours of sleep looks like at 5:45am after you delete your blog:
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| Yeah, I know, that ain't pretty. |
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