Adventure of

Showing posts with label Heal. Show all posts

Lady A is NEVER ALONE :)

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Thursday Night Mr B. surprise Surprised me with an early Christmas Gift I was NOT expecting.

Quick Makeover and Pitfalls

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I started this morning by stepping on this gem.

Serves me right for sleeping on the Bertram's couch to watch TV at night.

Fail.

But even a little holier, LBF and I got our craft on, turning this:

weekly calendar I made with fabric and a $10 frame, into something more seasonally appropriate with $1.99 wrapping paper from TJ Maxx.

{In transition}

{Finished Project}

Hooray!

LBF and I are off to the bank {since there is no money in my account, I thought I'd go have a chat with them about current circumstances}

and then the…ehem…

Unemployment office.

For 5 months, I've known the right job was right around the corner.

For 5 months, I've not wanted to try and collect because, there are people that REALLY needed it.

For 5 months, I could get by.

For 5 months, I was in denial about how bad it was.

Then the bank called and said my money was gone, bills needed to get paid and reality smacked in the face.

That $4 from November, that was a luxury I can not afford.

BUT.

I'll be okay, you'll be okay, he, she, we, will be okay.

Because, I refuse to think otherwise.

Grace.

Permission to Move On

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I'm going to move forward.

The whole HS Reunion thing was so, SO....Saturday night.

I appreciate the Bertram's take that I didn't miss much.

And I was reading over Iyanla's words...

"I give you permission to stop wishing the past could be any different."

Moving forward can be hard because we long to make different choices "then".

I'm not a mother, or a wife, YET, but I think about the children in my life, Mr. B, my AMAZEballs friends, and nutty family and but for the grace of God, I have all of them, BECAUSE of the past.

It's why I LOVE working for the Ballet and 14 and 15 year old who are so introverted in their small world.

I love to SEE them, really see them.

Hug them goodnight, tell them I love them, and that I SEE THEM.

Because no friend of mine in HS ever did.

How in class of 346 I felt so alone is beyond me.

But, I think about that sadness and how it brought me to the Accountant, who changed my WHOLE LIFE. Literally, my WHOLE Life. Who, in spite of not being husband material, SAW ME.

I think about Anaise, a small, gregarious 4 year old, who in my senior year, in our HS preschool, SAW ME.

And the truth of the matter is, while I didn't have friends in my hs class, He was leading me to BETTER, stronger, more faithful friends, all the while tending to our relationship, growing it, fostering it.

Sorry blog land friends, I really did start to write a post about my pinterest pins...but this was sitting there needing to be written.

So, I give YOU permission to stop wishing the past could be any different.

What will that allow you to move into?

That sentiment feels a lot like grace.

ALSO:

Ehem, on a totally and terrifically random aside, Mr. B and I have heard MOOING, distressed mooing outside our house all afternoon and into the evening.

Mr. B doesn't think they exist, just wait until mating season, Mr. B. Just WAIT.

Protected wetlands aside, we have bears, fisher cats, polliwogs, skunks, and squirrels...but to the best of my knowledge there isn't any cows...at what point to we call the...the...um...a farmer?

Interviews and Nana's

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I had an interview at my Alma Mater today.

I'd like to thank Mr. B and Jen for sitting through several runs of my presentation.

And Mr. Northeastern for checking out the powerpoint and making sure it was legit :).

I loved university.

LOVED.

IT.

I was so comfortable.

So in my own skin.

I was so free.

I was so loved.

If I could have gone forever, I would.

I managed to graduate in four years while failing to declare a major until my senior year.

I still get the same feeling EVERY time I drive up.

1400 acres of home.

28 Stories of goodness.

2.5 million bound volumes of love.

The oldest living Japanese Elm Tree of hope in the US.

Oh hi to our sister school in Hokkaido, Japan.

Old chapel full of faith.

UMASS Amherst.

You fill me up buttercup.

The interview went well.

We'll see if they offer a second round next week.

I'm still waiting to hear back form North Carolina.

So.

We'll see.

:)

My Nana is still recovering from her fall and seems so depressed lately.
Tomorrow I'm going to start something exciting with her for Christmas gifts for all the cousins. She has so many stories that all need to be written down.

Oprah's LifeClass Finale #25 - You have the POWER!

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Oh hey!
I have some catching up to do, don't I?
A lot. :)
About a week and a half of Lifeclass and two days of the happy project.
I'll get there this weekend.

I was blindsided by a stomach bug that laid me up for 2 days. So.
I'm ending a long two days by sitting down with Oprah for her final night of Lifeclass: Semester One.

George, Frank, and Ellie's mom texted me that she wanted an update AND was worried that I hadn't posted, and was worried that not having George for the afternoon {happy veteran's day} had made me sad :). Hi Janey! :) <---shout out sistah' friend!

It did - but not that sad. :)
I'm just a little under the weather.

Nothing like OPRAH's FINAL LIFECLASS to build me up buttercup!
I hope you made it to class at least once. Just once - would change your life.
Tonight's last episode was all about having the power.
YOU have, have always had, will continue to have THE POWER to make your life what you want.

You know that scene in The Wizard of Oz?

Where Dorothy learns that from Glinda?

Glinda is like Dorothy's Oprah.

Dorothy is a good example too. Sometimes, it takes us time to realize that we in fact have the power. I've been blessed with friends who have come that realization at all different points in their life. I'm about to out some of them and their power - so - hopefully no one is totally offended.

Probably the best guy friend I've ever had realized he had that power when he left our office, moved to CA and came out. POWERFUL.

Another of my gay husbands realized his POWER by never being afraid to travel to find your passion.

My best HS friend - and one of the few friends I had by my senior year realized she had the power by checking into rehab.

Another girl I knew in high school realized she had the power when her baby born at 17 was not the sole purpose of her life and she could do and be more...then was.

Their individual struggle to realize that power they carry in their own lives is something I've always admired.

I'm proud to add my own story this year of realizing that I MATTER and I will not allow a bad principal or negligent boss to define me. I have the power to find a job I love and do that in a place where people appreciate my gifts. Phew. What a power.

This was also a resonating theme at the life class webcast - Are you carrying ANGER or are you carrying hurt? It goes back to the episode where we were talking about opening up the wound and pulling out all those painful pieces and making yourself deal with them. It can be ugly and hard, but the reward is FAR FAR FAR greater.

*Give up the hope that the past could have been any different. <---Amen sister and brother friends. Amen. It's a hard lesson, but one that once lived, allows you to let go, and let god.

*Keep moving forward. <---Thank Walt Disney. These words continue to console me.

Someone also asked how to feel joy when the other negative things are going wrong in your life. Know what Iyanla said...and I LOVED....I SCOOPED IT UP?

COUNT it ALL as JOY!

And...YOU ARE ENOUGH. Iyanla wants you to know that...Oprah wants you to know that. I want you to know that.

Mr. B and I are going to see J. Edgar tomorrow and I also plan to craft.

Hey Jayne - Thanks for reading :) You're a doll.

ADT Life Alert

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This is day two of the not a good day/happy day project.
Thank god for the Happy Day project as this week has been really down otherwise.

My morning started with a phone call from ADT Life Alert system. I was just getting up when the phone rang, and less than 100 feet away on the floor in her kitchen, my grandma had fallen. My amazingly awesome 89 year old Nana Ruth.

I stayed as calm as humanly possible and ran/flew downstairs, across the back deck and into her kitchen.

Where - please note this is graphic - I found her in a pool of blood.

I was physically shaking, but I kept as outwardly calm as possible.

She was telling me that she was fine, but I could tell it was worse than she knew.
She's not a heavy woman by any means, she's a tall one though.
I just can't lift her on my own because she can't support herself at all.
I knew ADT had sent an ambulance and I sat down with her and brought some tissues and stroked her forehead the way she always did mine.
I told her she'd be okay.
I told her she wasn't allowed to vacuum, and that she KNOWS that.
I told her not to worry about us.

It was cute watching her stay strong for me, I could tell she just wanted to cry, but she never did.
I'm used of emergencies and hospital runs from my job with the ballet.
Every summer I make at least 6-10 trips to the ER or the Dr's with everything from ingrown toenails to ruptured appendix.
I've learned to keep perspective for myself and others.
It's easy when you're at children's hospital in Boston.
I brought a girl once with a pin stuck in her toe.
After her surgery, she was waking up and there was a baby...A BABY who just had brain surgery.
I told her to look at him and know she was going to be okay. Reality.

My Nana hit her face on the floor and poked herself with her glasses creating a huge gash on her eye brow. She looked like she'd been in a bar fight.

I sat with her just a few seconds until the EMT's arrive and got her into the chair and then into the ambulance.

I put some clothes on and headed out to the ER.
They ice packed her there and sent her off to urgent care for stitches and a CT.

The CT revealed she broke two bones, one in her nose and one in her face. The facial bone could cause permanent eye damage so we were sent to see a Facial Surgeon who said her swelling was too bad to make a definitive decision about the eye. We go back Friday to have him see her again. We go to urgent care on Monday to have her stitches out.

She's a trooper and I love her to the Moon and back.

My mother, on the other hand. GRRR.
She's 64 and my mother and I will honor what Iyanla says about never calling your parents crazy because you have to honor that you chose them - even if your adopted.
Instead I'll say my mother is ~~crazy~~ a narcissistic, neurotic, mood swinging, angry, closeted lesbian.
Today, I almost called her a bewitched.
I don't know how many of my Nana's Dr's she told about her own knee surgery. NO one cared.
I don't think she handles stress well at all. Or ever.
Basically, she's useless, 97% of the time.

Psychologically speaking, it's why I read so many family blogs.
I live a little vicariously through them.
I envision how happy their families are and non-exsistant mine is.
I read them to remind myself that someday I'll have a family of my own.
After my mother is gone.
That's harsh, I know, but when the Accountant and I were dating and engaged, I never wanted kids because I didn't want to subject them to either of our parental units.

Wow, that's a little cathartic and really off track, I'll blog later tonight about day #3 and Wren.

the HAPPY DAY project day #1

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Today's project - saved a very bad, no good, terrible, horrible, very bad day and made it WONDERFUL!

I had planned to make some cake balls for our neighbors.

I also had to pick up LMG and take him shopping with me after school.

Love that child.

LUURRRRVE. Him.

I picked him up, and immediately got honked at and then given the finger off this little suburban side street. It made me feel sad.

"Someone should tell her, " LMG said, "That there are babies without food."

He melts my heart. Kids hear EVERYTHING.

Then, while we were shopping in WalMart, there was some really angry people waiting with us at returns. LMG even held my hand, that's how rude they were.

So far - it was not a very happy day - then...it happened.

LMG and I were making our way into the store from Customer Service and I saw an elderly lady being told her card was declined.

She didn't know how that could have happened and she needed the food.

IF you read this blog you know I'm unemployed, in debt, and have about $200 to pay bills and live off, while debt collectors hunt me down.

But I had $38.00 from that return. I only needed about 5 of that to make cake balls so I hustled LMG and I over to the lady, presented my debit card and asked if I could pay.

She started to cry and the only thing I could think to do was hug her.

I whispered to pass it on and hustled into the store.

Doing good can be overwhelming.

We got our goods and headed to the checkout. The lady behind me had 1 jar of pickles and batteries.

"Let me add hers too." The woman stared at me.

Have a good day. LMG and I left feeling better about the day.

We were headed home on the Mass Pike and passed our now new friend, Kristy with a flat tire.

I can change those and am pretty good.

Like under 20 minutes good.

We'd had such a rough start to the day - I slowed, pulled over and got LMG out of the car. We walked down to Kristy, asked if we could help and commenced tire changing. LMG was out of his mind excited. I on the other hand was scared beep less, as he stood FAR from the side of the road and watched from the grass.

I'd like to say I was fast, but I had trouble with the jack and ONE tire bolt...still 30 minutes later, Kristy was good to go.

She wanted my name and address.

I wanted her to have a happy day. :)

LMG and I got home and commenced cake ball making.

I may or may not have forgotten that they moved Halloween to tonight because of the power outage - oops.

That's okay.

We had candy.

We had cake balls.

We had the adorable printable from the HAPPY DAY project.

We were good.

My 89-year old Nana lives next door so we made Chocolate Cake balls because those are her favorites.

When I asked her if they came out alright - she replied - "I love 'em, better than cake." 'Nuff said.

We also made some for Bill and Doreen who live next to my Nana and love her just as much as us. They cook for her and deliver baked goodness ALL the time. Doreen and Bill are the once in a lifetime neighbors. You know the kind - who come over when your mother has knee surgery and cut up Nana's pills and take care of the yard and trim the trees - just because they're neighbors. During the power outage they brought Nana breakfast EVERY DAY with warm food and hot coffee. Seroiusly?! I live in THAT neighborhood. I enjoyed sharing with them.

And we also made some for our neighbors, Chris and Lauren. They are a 20-something Jehovahs Witness couple who moved to MA from NJ. I know Jehovah's don't celebrate anything except wedding anniversaries and they had their light off tonight for Halloween, but I happened to catch them right as they were eating supper, in the dark. I knocked and they looked at me like - um- we don't have candy and why are you trick or treating. I got away with leaving my goodness by telling them they were receiving a random act of kindness. They walked their dog, Oscar, over later tonight to tell me thank you.

No ya'll, thank you. You let us pile up massive amounts of brush on your lawn after the snow storm. You let my mother read your paper when ours isn't delivered. You rock.

CAN NOT wait for Day #2 :).

Happy DAY, INDEEED!

Oprah's Lifeclass #20 - Joy Rising (SURPRISE!)

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This is for you:

Joy

Get your touchy to class.

Tonight.

EVERYONE needs joy.

Especially after our week.

Or your week.

Or their week.

Get a little.

I felt my joy rising each minute of this week, even though it was tough.

I made the posters above for the families of Mr. B's school who helped us all week and really helped us keep the joy rising.

I was really emotional tonight and will catch up on the lessons from Tuesday and Wednesday that I missed while the power was out.

Oprah's 20th Lifeclass - ONE MORE WEEK LEFT! AH! But...there will be a second semester! :)

Let's let that be #1:

Oprah's Lifeclass Semester #2
Oprah's Lifeclass Semester #1
LMG
LBF and 4 year olds
Snow in October
Baking
Candles
Power
Hot water
Running Water
Grocery shopping with someone else's list
Cooking
Interviews
Friends in CA and OH and MA and IL and everywhere else.
Biological sisters with warm houses and warm showers
Good story telling grandmothers
Cousins who call
Bon Fires
Mr. B
Stories written by children who give me hope that a future filled with wisdom is around the corner.

Go TO CLASS! I'll have a video tomorrow.

Oprah's Lifeclass #16 - Following Your Gut

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I'm going to tell you right now, sitting in the warmth of my Sistah's home for a few minutes, I want nothing more than to watch my Oprah.

Sadly, I can't get full episodes.
And, more over, I should really be telling you about the harrowing story of the last couple of days.
But I am tired.
And I'm stuck in an emotional wrecking ball of tiredness, moving forwardness, coldness, and perseverance that won't allow me to focus on that.

So instead, I headed to Oprah's Lifeclass to catch up a little.

Here's an MtMM if I ever heard one:
When you say No, and someone is trying to get you to change your mind, think why are they trying to control me:
"No." is a complete sentence.

The "Hmmm" is the warning sign.
The feeling itself is the warning sign.
Never allow them to move your somewhere else.

The two bolded sentences go hand in hand to the spring of 1996.
I was in the 6th grade.
I was home.
Now if you read my listening to your whisper post, you may be thinking, RENA, tell us you listen to your whisper voice here.

I did. It wasn't so much of a whisper as it was Oprah's voice, loud and clear. I had begun to watch her show religiously and not a month before was this episode about NEVER being moved from your location. If they move you, they're going to kill you.

That was it.

I was out on the front lawn.
Looking back it's bizarre, because I lived in a heavily settled residential area with lots of neighbors and kids; but it was quiet.
And in a Kerri from Unforgettable way, I can visualize that BEAUTIFUL day, and look down either side of the street and across and no one was home.
No one was out.
My mother was working in the back yard, probably with her flowers or something, but I know she wasn't in earshot.
I can't tell you what I was doing exactly.
Jumping rope? Wishing my friends were home?
I saw the ratty looking red car roll slowly down the street.
The driver and I made eye contact and I smiled.
The second circle around he slowed in front of my lawn, in front of me.
His passenger was a woman.
I remember her because she didn't talk.

OPRAH was screaming at me.
My whisper voice said TWO GIANT STEP BACK.

And I did.
Consciously.
Out loud, take two giant steps back.

"Do you know where Meadow Street is?" he questioned, so friendly.
"What?" I said.
"Come here, do you know where Meadow Street is? We're lost."
In my mind, I'd grown up one street over from Meadow and knew exactly where it was.

I also knew it was on the other side of town and if you were lost on our side street of another side street, then you'd need more than directions to get there.
This was a ploy to get me over to the car.

"Let me get my mom, hang on." I said turning and running, full tilt to the back yard, screaming MOM at the top of lungs.

I heard him shout, "Oh no, you don't need to..."
But I already had.
My mother was annoyed with me, but she came around front anyway and talked to the man.

A few seconds later he drove away.

I stood beside my mom and asked her what he wanted.
Directions to town he'd told her.
He hadn't really listened to her, she said.
Weird she said.
Weird, I said.
I remember I told her about my Whisper Voice and Oprah's voice.
She didn't think it was anything like that.
Inside, I whispered to myself, "Because I didn't let it become anything like that."

It was empowering as a little girl to know that when something struck me as not right - I had the POWER to make it so.

I also realized at that moment that I have the opportunity early on. If I listen to that voice early on, it can dissipate.

Do not allow the desire to be nice to override the tiny voice inside telling you something is not right.

30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude

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I made this for Mr. Belding before the power went out.

Today seemed as good a day as any to present him with it at the blog spot.

We still don't have power, but we have amazing family and community support.

You can make your own in Powerpoint or picnik.com or wherever by grabbing the Blog Candy from shabbyblogs.com: 10 things I love about you

On this note of love - I'd like to start the 30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude, a little late and a little later.

Favorite food will come later tonight.

You could and should join us.

Zoom in here: Positively Present

Mother Nature's Mothering Part #1

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*This part of the post as written on Saturday.

SO much has changed.

It feels like a lifetime ago.

The power is still off, and the power company says maybe next Saturday. :(

So, second post is forthcoming. :)

And it snowed.

LOT.

I woke late Saturday morning.

It had been a late evening and I had decided to gift myself a late sleep.

When I headed downstairs around 11, I found Mr. Belding was in the kitchen and snow was starting to cover the ground.

Remember how I love fall.

LURRRRVE it.

Autumnal air, smells, colors, nature, etc. etc.

And it SHOULD, in my mind still be Autumn.

HOWEVER…

I also LURRRRVE snow.

LOT.

Call it a New England thing.

I wasn’t born and bread, but I was certainly bread with New England in my blood.

Snow in October sounds a little ridiculous.

I however, did a happy dance.

Mr. Belding was already on the phone with the city where his middle school is because there was a chance they’d use it as a shelter for the over 80,000 in our area without power.

Sadly, later in the day, Mr. B’s school was hit with some MAJOR tree damage.

We got the call that the Cafetorium (Cafeteria and Auditorium) had been pretty much caved in by the trees on its side.

Any part of the space not touched by the trees was quickly filling up with snow and would eventually sustain severe water damage.

Mr. B put on his Superman boxers and headed out in the already 14” of snow to go see what to do.

When he got home around 9pm tonight, he was really defeated.

The roads he said were pretty bad and the school was even worse.

He has to make a decision tomorrow with the Superintendent if they can structurally resume classes on Monday.

Budget wise, this mess is a nightmare.

They’ve cut back so much already.

I told him I’d come in and volunteer wherever needed.

Just hand me a hand saw and put me to work.

We’ve already had a few of his “highly involved” families…read FAVORITE families call and ask what they can do.

A few of them will meet us over there tomorrow.

We’ll take prayer worriers that we can find the joy in the discomfort we’ll feel over the next couple of days.

Someone was killed by a downed power line.

So I found joy in being alive, being with family, and being relatively dry.

I got the call around 11:30 from LMG’s mom asking if I could save her life…hahaha, not really, but take Little Buddy Frank for 2 hours so she could drag herself, LMG, and Ellie out in the snow for a birthday party. (DID SOMEONE SAY CANCEL! OYE!)

Anyway, it was a pottery party and LMG really wanted to go.

It was smack in between Little Buddy Frank’s naptime and she couldn’t picture getting out alive with a 7-year-old high on sugar, a toddler, and an infant.

We put LBF down for a nap at Mr. B’s townhouse, which is legit maybe 10 minutes from the pottery place – perfect.

He watched Charlie Brown for a second and slept like a champ.

I got ready to do some baking with him because Mr. B’s house isn’t really kid friendly.

When he got up I attempted baking with an almost 4 year old, which I was sure was not going to be ½ as fun as baking with LMG.

It was.

It was better.

LBF is just as adorable and talked up storm.

Had a MAJILLION questions about everything.

Even Miss Molly Del Pilar was smitten with this little one.

He couldn’t get over her Halloween costume.

“Dis is her christmas dress?”

“Gingy puppy.”

We read a few books and then LMG and Ellie and Mommy arrived.

He wanted to share our cookies so we put a bag together for them.

LBF said, “See ya’ ‘morrow, kay?” and waved to me as they rushed to the car

Kay, budster.

I love those kids.

It’s almost midnight and our power has been out since around 5pm.

Mr. B and I lit candles and hunkered down with our laptops, that have a little bit of power left J, to do some work and watch a movie.

51% on my Mac probably means another hour or so.

Joy for my Mac J.

The snow has been such a quandary because it is BEAUTIFUL.

Life in a snow globe beautiful.

BEAUTIFUL.

Snowflakes the size of softballs beautiful.

The trees even looked beautiful.

The sound of the trees outside cracking and falling down every 20 seconds or so…not so much fun.

We’re keeping out fingers crossed tonight that nothing comes IN the house.

The trees in Mr.B’s neighboring yard are dangerously close to his second floor.

Eek.

Anyhoozle.

We’ll be okay.

And I’ll tell you – candles and your Mr. B on a chilly, snowy night, along with freshly baked new recipe cookies – that I’ll share with your later – and some hot cider…not a bad Saturday night.

Hope you are warm in body and heart wherever you are.

Feeling hopeful about what the sun will bring on Sunday morning.

Oprah's Lifeclass #15 - Joy Rising! :)

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"You are GOING TO AUSTRALIA!"
{secret: FRIDAY'S are my favorite LIFE CLASS nights. IF you don't normally watch or don't get OWN, get ONLINE and watch her webcast}

Joy JOY JOY!
I HOPE you watched tonight.
I'm telling you, as ridiculous as this week has been, as ridiculous as my blog redo is.
I am so incredibly grateful and full of joy.

Friday is now me going to bed full.
FULL of joy.
A joy of HOPE of CONTENTMENT of a FEIRCE PASSION.
Joy.

Here we go with some morsels that move me {MtMM}:
Guilt is something wrong with what I've done.
Shame is something wrong with who I am.
Guilt and Shame are the most TOXIC emotions
YUP. :)

Every nail you hammer in your brother's hand, keeps you on the cross. -Paul Ferrini

When you are judging others, you are really pecking at yourself.
This was just AHAHAHAHAH! AHAH moments abounding.
The Accountant's parents were nailed to a cross for YEARS.
Whilst, I was being nailed to a cross by them - I was also nailing myself.
Their discontentment with me affected me in so many parts of life.
In turn, my discontent with them ALSO affected so many parts of my life.
Never, will I ever, allow someones judgement of me CHANGE me, affect me.
I have offered forgiveness.
They've offered their version.
And that is now a part of our past.

You want to be right about how wrong they were.
You didn't deserve it.
If I could make it better, I would.
I can't, but you can.

Bless that bad stuff and let it go.
It WILL come back to you as a blessing.

Lord, how would you have me serve you?

One of the most damaging things people do is THINK for GOD. Don't think for GOD."
{MtMM}

JOY.
JOY.
JOY.
and more JOY.

My JOY this week comes in the following forms:

Homemade Fried Moozerella.
LMG and after school care.
Phone calls from Friends.
Gingers in EVERY FORM.
Job interviews.
My MacbookAIR.
My first pot roast.
LIFECLASS.
Giving Directions.
Lunching with friends.

CAN you PROMISE me one thing, all my little blog readers, beloveds {IYANLA would}- TOMORROW:
Share the joy.
Small or BIG.
Share it.
And feel your own joy grow.

I Pray For Blessings...

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Tomorrow brings renewal from the majesty.

I have some big prayers I'll be praying.
Will you be a prayer warrior with me?

We pray for fertility.
For redemption.
For seeing the soul and not the personality.
For looking at loss from a different perspective.

"What if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?"

I pray for mercies in disguise for several families that are expecting some big new tomorrow and in the coming weeks.
I fill my heart with the joy I hope they soon feel.
I pray to take on any of their burden I can.

:) Mostly, let's pray for joy to rain down upon them.

Oprah's Lifeclass #14 - Must Love Dogs :)

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After tomorrow there is only one week of class left.

WAHHHH!

Whatever will I blog about?

Just kidding.

Probably LMG.

He and I had cooking class today :)

We made fried MOOzerella.

That child makes me laugh like a child (LAC!) and I get to pick him up from school 4 days a week from now on :)
WOOT.
WOOT.

His mom was looking for someone who could fill that role. She was telling me she would have to hire a college student. I was like...ehem...I'm not working and I love that child.

So.

There we were making mozzarella with marina and my very first pot roast in the crock.
Mr. Crock Pot is still my best friend and "secret" lover.
LMG was cracking me up by cracking up as we literally threw all our veggies into the pot.

"That's not how you cook it? What is this gonna be, stone soup?" And I would pay all my money in the world, which isn't that much, but still, I would pay it all, for you to be able to hear how he says, "STONE SOUP!" His voice gets girly and adorable.

LMG: FREEZE. Don't ever grow up, budster.
You're too much and not enough right now.
You are perfect just the way you are.
Per. Fect.

Onto OPRAH.

Tonight's lesson was all about what we can learning from animals.

Faith.
Hope.
Joy.
Unconditional love.
REDEMPTION.

Miss Molly Del Pilar is my 6 year old teacup poodle.
I love every one of her 4 and 1/2 pounds and she, loves all of me.

She is fearless.
Cunning.
Silly.
Loving.
Forgiving.

She embodies all the things I hope to share with my human friends.
She hung out in her crate all afternoon because LMG was over and that freaked her out.
She's so good.
And she may or may not have been rewarded with a bit of fried mozzarella care of LMG :)
---

I want to talk about the Nate Berkus piece during Katrina, but I am tired and that was very emotional. I'll get back to it.

Looking forward to watching the joy rise tomorrow. :)

Oprah's Lifeclass #13: When People Show You Who They Are...

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I had to run to class today. Busy. Busy. Busy. Bam. Here it is: When people show you or tell you who they really are...BELIEVE THEM! My last two posts were long, and the understanding of her lessons was long. This was just validating:

When the accountant and I started dating, he was a close to college drop out, party animal, who let his parents take care of him.

I fell for the man who would end up taking care of the sophomore in high school girl I was.

He was always ready for a good time.

Always ready to make me smile.

But, he was never hard working, and often felt lost. He refused to stand up to his parents when they were just wrong.

When he finally figured out school was important he never handled stress well, and that came to a head on 4th of July weekend when he pushed me to the ground and slapped me across the face in front of our friends.

By that point we had dated for three years and I told myself that it wasn't typical behavior.

We dated for 8 years and then he proposed.

My whisper voice was there and said, NO.

This is not he man you want to marry.

This is not the family you want to be a part of.

Less than a year later he proposed again.

I said yes.

We were with friends, it was Thanksgiving and he HAD always been there.

But I knew I didn't want to.

I knew it the first time, I knew it the second time.

I knew it when his parents told him I wasn't right for him.

I knew it when he moved to Michigan and left me in Massachusetts.

I knew it when I talked to our friends.

He loved me more than I loved him.

And I was scared of change.

And I was scared of losing our mutual friends.

And I was scared of being alone.

And I was scared of being a failure.

So I stayed.

Until he pushed me away.

He dated someone else.

Not out of malice, just out of, "SEE ME" - his ego.

And for the first time, 11 years after our relationship started, I did.

I saw that sophomore in college with no drive, not determination, no ability to stand up to his parents, who didn't want children, and wanted someone to take care of him.

And I realized, that's who he had always been.

That's who he always told me he was.

And I didn't want to see it, because that's not who I wanted to be with.

I didn't see it.

Until I did.

I packed up things and I went on my way.

A little more than 2 years later, we are "friends", godparents to his two BEAUTIFUL nieces, we can sit in the same room and chat, like chums.

The feelings and the drama feel like memories lived a lifetime ago.

But.

You can't help but wonder who could have been if I hadn't been with him for so long.

Who would I be?

The minute people tell or show you who they are, believe them.

Or, as THE Ms. Iyanla Vanzant would say, "If you see crazy coming, CROSS THE STREET!"

"....and I couldn't find my bra!"

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My morning started @ about 4:23am this morning when my cell phone rang.

It was my LMG's mom, FRANTIC, the kind of FRANTIC that makes you sit up in bed and panic.

Frankie, LMG's younger sibling had decided to bring his true life fantasy of being a paratrooper to reality and fell out of his new big boy bed.

Poor wee guy.

I was trying to feel coherent at 4:24am, but it was a struggle.

Frankie paratroopered into G.I. Joe or a transformer or something sharper, that stabbed him in the forehead. {Sound familiar?}

A LOT of blood.

A lot of tears.

And a deep gash.

Boys toys are engender-dly {new word?} vicious, this was a whole new level.

She was hoping I could come and stay with LMG and Baby Ellie while she and the hubs took Frankie to the urgent care.

LMG AND ELLIE! Woot, woot.

I'll be there....{slash it's 4:25, give me a few seconds}.

I woke Mr. Belding {Sunday IS technically a school night! Get over it...} and told him the sitch'.

Back up to last night.
We went to dinner and had a bon fire with some dear friends of ours.
When we FINALLY got home, I threw my clothes in the corner, slipped on some PJ's and hopped into deep sleep town.

Back to the early AM, I'm frantically throwing my hair in a pony, pulling out my clothes from my bag and getting ready to head out.

When I realize, I can't find my bra.

I've had one or two of those crazy night where I can't find my...wallet, or my phone, but my bra...ehem.

I looked everywhere.
Under, over, everywhere.

Mr. Belding was giggly like a school girl.
Which wasn't helping.

What seemed like an embarrassingly long time was probably like 1 minute.
Stuffed inside my shirt, as if I took them off together...there she was.

Brilliant.

Once I got my act together, I made it over.

Poor Frankie, he was a real trooper.
"Me got owie. Dis big big big BIG owie."
Pobrecito.

I made LMG breakfast and got him dressed.
He talked me into pancakes, like he has them everyday :).
BAHAHAHA!

Miss Eleanor, who had absolutely no idea what was going on, was so flexible.
I fed her and she was so sweet.
Got LMG all dressed with bow tie and all and got him in the carpool pick up.
Ellie and I had about an hour to ourselves... ya, I know that's some urgent care.
She slept through most of it.
But I know she loved it! :)

Frankie and his parentals arrived complete with 2 rows of stitches!
We look like twins!
Me with my mammoth eyebrow and he with his egg and stitches.

What a day.
Oprah's life class update soon.
Listening to that inner whisper. Ooooh :)

Oprah's Lifeclass #10 (My AHA! Moment)

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THE Ms. Iyanla Vanzant graced the Lifeclass webcast and I couldn't have been more glued to the TV.

Have I told you all my thoughts about Iyanla?

Fier. Ce.

Fierce.

She has a no-nonsense, loving, and fiery way of delivering the words you always needed to hear.

Last night, even though she didn't bring her scoop :), I was riveted by the interaction she helped facilitate between a mother and a daughter.

The daughter had shared about losing her virginiaty at 18, while drunk at a party.

She felt like a bad person and that EVERYONE perceived her as bad.

Iyanla asked her who in her life knew.

No one, but she felt like everyone was judging her.

She never came out and said it was her family or more specifically her mother, but I got that feeling early on.

Mothers.

Mothers have this INCREDIBLE power to lift us or let us go.

Sometimes when we get to our late teen years our mothers forget the importance of reminding us.

When we're little girls, they don't stop.

"Don't touch that or do this."
"Don't go there or play with that."
"Make sure you..."
And better,
"I love you. I'm so proud of you. You make mommy so happy."

When we're 18 and lost our virginity at a party or get in past curfew or drink too much, experiment with unhealthy choices, in my case - score our first B in personal finance...we're left waiting to hear it:

"In spire of it, in light of it, I LOVE YOU. YOU MAKE ME PROUD. You make me smile."

I kept waiting for that realization.

Inyanla asked for it:

"When," she asked, "is the last time you told you daughter you are so very proud of her."
The mother started, "Oh, she knows..." and everyone in the audience gasped and Iyanla interrupted,
"Okay, but when is the last time you TOLD her? Tell her now."

She wept.
The daughter cried.

And I felt it for the daughter at the moment.

The moment you realize you are loved, loved unconditionally, loved without clause or concern, by your Holy Father. He has never stopped, and he took a moment to remind you through your mother.

You matter, always.
You are loved.

Iyanla lost her beautiful daughter, Gemmia to cancer a few years ago.
Does that make you stop and think as much as it does me?
It's never too late until it is.
Mothers, remind your children how PROUD they make you.
Daughters, we'll do our best to make you so.

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Oprah's LifeClass Finale #25 - You have the POWER!

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Oprah's Lifeclass #20 - Joy Rising (SURPRISE!)

Oprah's Lifeclass #16 - Following Your Gut

30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude

Mother Nature's Mothering Part #1

Oprah's Lifeclass #15 - Joy Rising! :)

I Pray For Blessings...

Oprah's Lifeclass #14 - Must Love Dogs :)

Oprah's Lifeclass #13: When People Show You Who They Are...

"....and I couldn't find my bra!"

Oprah's Lifeclass #10 (My AHA! Moment)

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