Showing posts with label Renewal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Renewal. Show all posts

Little Man George...OMG.

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 Jayne <--- See you tomorrow for walking club & church! :)

Little Man George, you FILL ME UP BUTTER CUP.
Little Man George, am I your babysitter or Miss Aibileen?  BAHAHAHAH.  LUUURRRVE.
Little Man George, you are so spectel to me too!  You are my friend.
I needed a little joy rising :)

Feel it!

J. Edgar

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Mr. B and I were all gun ho to see this film.
We attended a BBQ/Bonfire and bros won out before gals.
Our crew can throw a mean bonfire, specifically on a cool New England night with what is left of our tree to burn.
Meh.
I wasn't that offended, Mr. B. :)

I called my pinch hitter, my biological sister Jay, who we don't speak about very much on ye' old blog.
Not yet, at least.

Anyhoozle. 
She was game and away we went.
Do you know J. Edgar?
I didn't really know anything about his story until I read this about the film: 
"When considering that, it’s ironic that Hoover abused his powers to keep in check speculation about his sexuality.  Much is made of his close relationship with associate FBI director Clyde Tolson (played in the film Armie Hammer, who portrayed the Winkelvii from The Social Network, with tremendous skill), though little is actually known about it."
Intriguing.
I cried when he and Tolson got in a heated fight over their true feelings, leading to a poignant, albeit refuted shared kiss.  I shed a tear as Tolson walked away and said, "Don't ever talk about marrying a woman in front of  me again," and J. Edgar wails to not leave him alone, mouthing, "I love you." under his breath.
But perhaps the part that chilled me most was the fabulous Dame Judy Dench as his old valued mother who shows love through her firmness.
In the particular scene where I lost it - J.Edgar is having trouble with his stutter as he stands in the mirror to practice his speed talking, he is trying to tell his mother that he doesn't like to dance, specifically, he doesn't like to dance with girls.
She has him recall a school boy, called Daffy.  Short for Daffodil.  Who was given his nickname due to unfortunate circumstances where he was caught wearing his mother's hoop and bonnet.  He was shamed and a few weeks later committed suicide.
Dame Judy {Mother Hoover} replies, "Edgar, I'd rather have a dead son, than a daffodil."
And then she teaches him to dance.
I was profoundly moved by the character piece of living a life that is never truly lived while keeping the appearance of someone who has it together, maybe not all together, as he never married and employed some questionable work related values...at any cost really being one that stands out.
Having a mother as far in the closet as you can possibly be, I watched as J. Edgar took the seat next to her in the closet and then quietly shut the door.
The scene of the unrequited lovers at J.Edgar's death was enough to require three tissues.
Brilliant film.
Love.

Also - shout out the Naomi Watts, as J. Edgar's personal secretary, who endures a silly first date and years of a budding friendship only to have J.Edgar's back when he needed most.

Happy Day Project Planning and Super Soul Sunday

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Rarely, if ever, do I pray for renewal...for myself. 
I've gone through a lot this year, a lot of "life junk", you know?
The kind of "life junk" that is not recyclable and I wish to just throw it all away.
The, "start over life junk".

That being said, my prayers for renewal are usually for others.
That they feel it.
That they share it.
That their hope spring anew.

This year I prayed for renewal in a friend's marriage, as their infertility brought them to the brink.
I mean - it broke my heart.

I prayed for renewal in a friend's marriage, as their indiscretions tore their family apart.

I prayed for renewal in my mother's life, that she might find the truth she so desperately searches for.

But renewal for myself?
That's always felt selfish.
Not a very authentic me.

Today however, after a trying week, I sat after morning service and my mind went a little blank, I took a 20 minute power nap, watched a little super soul sunday on OWN and started dinner with family and friends.  I also started wrapping my head around this HAPPY PROJECT and what this week will look like:

Sometime between cutting potatoes and looking for my note paper, I felt it.
An ease.
A comfort.
A breathe of fresh air.

He is mighty to save, and while I've been busy praying for so many around me, he saw my tiredness, my weariness.  My haggard heart.

And he filled me up.

My child, I heard, My child, sit and rest awhile.  
Sit and know you are loved.
Suddenly - I had the strength of 20 men.
And could cook a billion meals. :)

I am so ready for the coming days, ready to live in joy, celebrate and spread the love.


Dinner.
Check.
Yum.

Oprah's Lifeclass #20 - Joy Rising (SURPRISE!)

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This is for you: 
Joy

Get your touchy to class.
Tonight.
EVERYONE needs joy.
Especially after our week.
Or your week.
Or their week.
Get a little.

I felt my joy rising each minute of this week, even though it was tough.
I made the posters above for the families of Mr. B's school who helped us all week and really helped us keep the joy rising.

I was really emotional tonight and will catch up on the lessons from Tuesday and Wednesday that I missed while the power was out.

Oprah's 20th Lifeclass - ONE MORE WEEK LEFT!  AH!  But...there will be a second semester! :)
Let's let that be #1:
  1. Oprah's Lifeclass Semester #2
  2. Oprah's Lifeclass Semester #1
  3. LMG
  4. LBF and 4 year olds
  5. Snow in October
  6. Baking
  7. Candles
  8. Power
  9. Hot water
  10. Running Water
  11. Grocery shopping with someone else's list
  12. Cooking
  13. Interviews
  14. Friends in CA and OH and MA and IL and everywhere else.
  15. Biological sisters with warm houses and warm showers
  16. Good story telling grandmothers
  17. Cousins who call
  18. Bon Fires
  19. Mr. B
  20. Stories written by children who give me hope that a future filled with wisdom is around the corner.
Go TO CLASS!  I'll have a video tomorrow.

Burrr and Beauty

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Okay, the post where I divulge that living without lights...
or heat...
or cold food...
is...
not easy.

Mr.  Belding's school is in CT.
CT is still without power, in a lot of places.
Mr. B's school is closed through the middle of next week.
Blessing.

Our...see what I did there...OUR families are incredibly supportive, and even though they've experience the same loss of power, showed up day after day to support their school.  Their classrooms, teachers, and principal.

RAMS.  You rock.

We shoveled snow.
Dry walled.
Roofed a little.
Worked with the National Guard to clear debris near downed lines.

Loved a lot.

Mr. B did something amazing.
Something he says any principal would do.
You decide:
  1. He called and got in contact with every teacher, para, or staff member from school.  Offered heat, places to find heat, and asked for help.
  2. Every person who agreed was given a list of name and cell numbers for each of the over 300 students in his school. (about 10 names and #'s per teacher/staff)
  3. They were asked to call each student, make sure they and their families were okay.  And assign school wide homework for each student.
  4. Their homework?  HAND write at a least one page about their experience living without.  Without school, or heat, or lights, etc.
  5. For every THOUGHTFUL, handwritten full page, he will award that student's grade an author point.
  6. Author points go towards that grade picking the Visiting Author in the spring.
  7. It's a big deal. :)
  8. Once the teachers had attempted everyone, they were to call Mr. B back and give him those names.
  9. We then set out to visit those homes to ensure that they were okay.
  10. By monday afternoon there were less than 30 families that remained unaccounted for.  
  11. We drove to, or near each of their homes and knocked on 20+ doors.
We found everyone.
:)

The students I met were ecstatic about the visit from Mr. B.
We brought cookies and flashlights and batteries.
Mr. B is that guy.

THAT guy.

Who can walk into a room and everyone, EVERYONE can feel his kindness.
I hope you have someone like that.

He would give his life for one his kids.
He proved that this week.

By Wednesday when we were still without power, I cried.
A lot.
Not about the power, but because kids had started to drop off what they'd written.

Get your tissues ready.

"Living without power has been finding out you're not alone." S.P

"I guess you never really appreciate what you have until you don't have it.  Or until you don't have anything else and what you do have, even you're annoying little brother, mean that much more." C. H.

"Do you hear that?  In the stillness?  All around you?  It's the love." E.M

"I've never loved something like that way I love reading.  Reading by the fireplace at night makes me think of Felicity and the American Girls." A.C

and my personal favorite:

"Mom 'cooks' the dinner.
Dad plays his guitar for us.
We laugh to the beat."
C.D

Yeah kid, Haiku is cool. :)

Here are a few stills about how we've been living.  In the dark, in the cold, and in love.






Oprah's Lifeclass #16 - Following Your Gut

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I'm going to tell you right now, sitting in the warmth of my Sistah's home for a few minutes, I want nothing more than to watch my Oprah.

Sadly, I can't get full episodes.
And, more over, I should really be telling you about the harrowing story of the last couple of days.
But I am tired.
And I'm stuck in an emotional wrecking ball of tiredness, moving forwardness, coldness, and perseverance that won't allow me to focus on that.

So instead, I headed to Oprah's Lifeclass to catch up a little.

Here's an MtMM if I ever heard one:
When you say No, and someone is trying to get you to change your mind, think why are they trying to control me:
"No." is a complete sentence.

The "Hmmm" is the warning sign.
The feeling itself is the warning sign.
Never allow them to move your somewhere else.

The two bolded sentences go hand in hand to the spring of 1996.
I was in the 6th grade.
I was home.
Now if you read my listening to your whisper post, you may be thinking, RENA, tell us you listen to your whisper voice here.

I did.  It wasn't so much of a whisper as it was Oprah's voice, loud and clear.  I had begun to watch her show religiously and not a month before was this episode about NEVER being moved from your location.  If they move you, they're going to kill you.

That was it.

I was out on the front lawn.
Looking back it's bizarre, because I lived in a heavily settled residential area with lots of neighbors and kids; but it was quiet.
And in a Kerri from Unforgettable way, I can visualize that BEAUTIFUL day, and look down either side of the street and across and no one was home.
No one was out.
My mother was working in the back yard, probably with her flowers or something, but I know she wasn't in earshot.
I can't tell you what I was doing exactly.
Jumping rope?  Wishing my friends were home?
I saw the ratty looking red car roll slowly down the street.
The driver and I made eye contact and I smiled.
The second circle around he slowed in front of my lawn, in front of me.
His passenger was a woman.
I remember her because she didn't talk.

OPRAH was screaming at me.
My whisper voice said TWO GIANT STEP BACK.

And I did.
Consciously.
Out loud, take two giant steps back.

"Do you know where Meadow Street is?" he questioned, so friendly.
"What?" I said.
"Come here, do you know where Meadow Street is?  We're lost."
In my mind, I'd grown up one street over from Meadow and knew exactly where it was.

I also knew it was on the other side of town and if you were lost on our side street of another side street, then you'd need more than directions to get there.
This was a ploy to get me over to the car.

"Let me get my mom, hang on." I said turning and running, full tilt to the back yard, screaming MOM at the top of lungs.

I heard him shout, "Oh no, you don't need to..."
But I already had.
My mother was annoyed with me, but she came around front anyway and talked to the man.

A few seconds later he drove away.

I stood beside my mom and asked her what he wanted.
Directions to town he'd told her.
He hadn't really listened to her, she said.
Weird she said.
Weird, I said.
I remember I told her about my Whisper Voice and Oprah's voice.
She didn't think it was anything like that.
Inside, I whispered to myself, "Because I didn't let it become anything like that."

It was empowering as a little girl to know that when something struck me as not right - I had the POWER to make it so.

I also realized at that moment that I have the opportunity early on.  If I listen to that voice early on, it can dissipate.

Do not allow the desire to be nice to override the tiny voice inside telling you something is not right.


30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude

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I made this for Mr. Belding before the power went out.
Today seemed as good a day as any to present him with it at the blog spot.
We still don't have power, but we have amazing family and community support.
You can make your own in Powerpoint or picnik.com or wherever by grabbing the Blog Candy from shabbyblogs.com: 10 things I love about you

On this note of love - I'd like to start the 30 Day Photo Challenge: Gratitude, a little late and a little later.
Favorite food will come later tonight.
You could and should join us.  
Zoom in here: Positively Present

Mother Nature's Mothering Part #1

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*This part of the post as written on Saturday.  
SO much has changed.
It feels like a lifetime ago.
The power is still off, and the power company says maybe next Saturday. :(

So, second post is forthcoming. :)

And it snowed.

A
LOT.

I woke late Saturday morning.

It had been a late evening and I had decided to gift myself a late sleep.

When I headed downstairs around 11, I found Mr. Belding was in the kitchen and snow was starting to cover the ground.

Remember how I love fall.

LURRRRVE it.

Autumnal air, smells, colors, nature, etc. etc.

And it SHOULD, in my mind still be Autumn.

HOWEVER…

I also LURRRRVE snow.

A
LOT.

Call it a New England thing.

I wasn’t born and bread, but I was certainly bread with New England in my blood.

Snow in October sounds a little ridiculous.

I however, did a happy dance.

Mr. Belding was already on the phone with the city where his middle school is because there was a chance they’d use it as a shelter for the over 80,000 in our area without power.

Sadly, later in the day, Mr. B’s school was hit with some MAJOR tree damage. 
We got the call that the Cafetorium (Cafeteria and Auditorium) had been pretty much caved in by the trees on its side. 
Any part of the space not touched by the trees was quickly filling up with snow and would eventually sustain severe water damage.

Mr. B put on his Superman boxers and headed out in the already 14” of snow to go see what to do.
When he got home around 9pm tonight, he was really defeated.
The roads he said were pretty bad and the school was even worse.
He has to make a decision tomorrow with the Superintendent if they can structurally resume classes on Monday.

Budget wise, this mess is a nightmare.
They’ve cut back so much already.
I told him I’d come in and volunteer wherever needed.
Just hand me a hand saw and put me to work.
We’ve already had a few of his “highly involved” families…read FAVORITE families call and ask what they can do. 
A few of them will meet us over there tomorrow.

We’ll take prayer worriers that we can find the joy in the discomfort we’ll feel over the next couple of days.
Someone was killed by a downed power line.
So I found joy in being alive, being with family, and being relatively dry.

I got the call around 11:30 from LMG’s mom asking if I could save her life…hahaha, not really, but take Little Buddy Frank for 2 hours so she could drag herself, LMG, and Ellie out in the snow for a birthday party. (DID SOMEONE SAY CANCEL!  OYE!)

Anyway, it was a pottery party and LMG really wanted to go. 
It was smack in between Little Buddy Frank’s naptime and she couldn’t picture getting out alive with a 7-year-old high on sugar, a toddler, and an infant.
We put LBF down for a nap at Mr. B’s townhouse, which is legit maybe 10 minutes from the pottery place – perfect. 
He watched Charlie Brown for a second and slept like a champ.
I got ready to do some baking with him because Mr. B’s house isn’t really kid friendly.
When he got up I attempted baking with an almost 4 year old, which I was sure was not going to be ½ as fun as baking with LMG.
It was.
It was better.
LBF is just as adorable and talked up storm.
Had a MAJILLION questions about everything.
Even Miss Molly Del Pilar was smitten with this little one.
He couldn’t get over her Halloween costume.
“Dis is her christmas dress?”
“Gingy puppy.”
We read a few books and then LMG and Ellie and Mommy arrived.
He wanted to share our cookies so we put a bag together for them.
LBF said, “See ya’ ‘morrow, kay?” and waved to me as they rushed to the car
Kay, budster.
I love those kids.

It’s almost midnight and our power has been out since around 5pm.
Mr. B and I lit candles and hunkered down with our laptops, that have a little bit of power left J, to do some work and watch a movie.

51% on my Mac probably means another hour or so.
Joy for my Mac J.

The snow has been such a quandary because it is BEAUTIFUL.
Life in a snow globe beautiful.
BEAUTIFUL.
Snowflakes the size of softballs beautiful.
The trees even looked beautiful.
The sound of the trees outside cracking and falling down every 20 seconds or so…not so much fun.
We’re keeping out fingers crossed tonight that nothing comes IN the house.

The trees in Mr.B’s neighboring yard are dangerously close to his second floor.

Eek.

Anyhoozle.

We’ll be okay.

And I’ll tell you – candles and your Mr. B on a chilly, snowy night, along with freshly baked new recipe cookies – that I’ll share with your later – and some hot cider…not a bad Saturday night.

Hope you are warm in body and heart wherever you are.

Feeling hopeful about what the sun will bring on Sunday morning.

Oprah's Lifeclass #15 - Joy Rising! :)

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"You are GOING TO AUSTRALIA!"
{secret: FRIDAY'S are my favorite LIFE CLASS nights.  IF you don't normally watch or don't get OWN, get ONLINE and watch her webcast}

Joy JOY JOY!
I HOPE you watched tonight.
I'm telling you, as ridiculous as this week has been, as ridiculous as my blog redo is.
I am so incredibly grateful and full of joy.

Friday is now me going to bed full.
FULL of joy.
A joy of HOPE of CONTENTMENT of a FEIRCE PASSION.
Joy.

Here we go with some morsels that move me {MtMM}:
Guilt is something wrong with what I've done.
Shame is something wrong with who I am.
Guilt and Shame are the most TOXIC emotions
YUP. :)

Every nail you hammer in your brother's hand, keeps you on the cross. -Paul Ferrini

When you are judging others, you are really pecking at yourself.
This was just AHAHAHAHAH!  AHAH moments abounding.
The Accountant's parents were nailed to a cross for YEARS.
Whilst, I was being nailed to a cross by them - I was also nailing myself.
Their discontentment with me affected me in so many parts of life.
In turn, my discontent with them ALSO affected so many parts of my life.
Never, will I ever, allow someones judgement of me CHANGE me, affect me.
I have offered forgiveness.
They've offered their version.
And that is now a part of our past.

You want to be right about how wrong they were.
You didn't deserve it.
If I could make it better, I would.
I can't, but you can.

Bless that bad stuff and let it go.
It WILL come back to you as a blessing.

Lord, how would you have me serve you?

One of the most damaging things people do is THINK for GOD.  Don't think for GOD."
{MtMM}

JOY.
JOY.
JOY.
and more JOY.

My JOY this week comes in the following forms:
  1. Homemade Fried Moozerella.
  2. LMG and after school care.
  3. Phone calls from Friends.
  4. Gingers in EVERY FORM.
  5. Job interviews.
  6. My MacbookAIR.
  7. My first pot roast.
  8. LIFECLASS.
  9. Giving Directions.
  10. Lunching with friends.

CAN you PROMISE me one thing, all my little blog readers, beloveds {IYANLA would}- TOMORROW:
Share the joy.
Small or BIG.
Share it.
And feel your own joy grow.

Oprah's Lifeclass #13: When People Show You Who They Are...

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I had to run to class today.  Busy.  Busy.  Busy.  Bam.  Here it is:  When people show you or tell you who they really are...BELIEVE THEM!  My last two posts were long, and the understanding of her lessons was long.  This was just validating:

When the accountant and I started dating, he was a close to college drop out, party animal, who let his parents take care of him.

I fell for the man who would end up taking care of the sophomore in high school girl I was.

He was always ready for a good time.
Always ready to make me smile.

But, he was never hard working, and often felt lost.  He refused to stand up to his parents when they were just wrong.

When he finally figured out school was important he never handled stress well, and that came to a head on 4th of July weekend when he pushed me to the ground and slapped me across the face in front of our friends.

By that point we had dated for three years and I told myself that it wasn't typical behavior.

We dated for 8 years and then he proposed.
My whisper voice was there and said, NO.
This is not he man you want to marry.
This is not the family you want to be a part of.

Less than a year later he proposed again.
I said yes.
We were with friends, it was Thanksgiving and he HAD always been there.
But I knew I didn't want to.
I knew it the first time, I knew it the second time.

I knew it when his parents told him I wasn't right for him.
I knew it when he moved to Michigan and left me in Massachusetts.
I knew it when I talked to our friends.

He loved me more than I loved him.

And I was scared of change.
And I was scared of losing our mutual friends.
And I was scared of being alone.
And I was scared of being a failure.

So I stayed.
Until he pushed me away.
He dated someone else.
Not out of malice, just out of, "SEE ME" - his ego.

And for the first time, 11 years after our relationship started, I did.
I saw that sophomore in college with no drive, not determination, no ability to stand up to his parents, who didn't want children, and wanted someone to take care of him.

And I realized, that's who he had always been.  
That's who he always told me he was.

And I didn't want to see it, because that's not who I wanted to be with.
I didn't see it.
Until I did.

I packed up things and I went on my way.
A little more than 2 years later, we are "friends", godparents to his two BEAUTIFUL nieces, we can sit in the same room and chat, like chums.

The feelings and the drama feel like memories lived a lifetime ago.

But.

You can't help but wonder who could have been if I hadn't been with him for so long.
Who would I be?

The minute people tell or show you who they are, believe them.

Or, as THE Ms. Iyanla Vanzant would say, "If you see crazy coming, CROSS THE STREET!"

Oprah's Lifeclass #10 - Joy Rising Week #2

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Did you make it to class tonight or this week? 
I feel like I breathe the air differently.
I am so PROUD of my living after life class.

Today was another episode of Joy Rising and so I ask you again, what is your joy rising?

Here are my 10 joy risings for this week on the 10th episode of life class:
1.) LITTLE MAN GEORGE!

2.) Shopping for crafty goodness

3.) MONSTER eyebrow :) - complete with stitches

4.) Tony DiTerrlizzi and Judy's popovers

5.) OPRAH and ROSIE who have brought not just a JOY, but a LOVE and LAUGHTER.

6.) I AM ENOUGH, and I am the ONLY one who gets to say what goes on in my life.  Love 
people enough to tell them the truth and respect them enough to know that they can handle it.

7.) D&D SPICED HOT APPLE CIDER

8.) Yarn wreaths with felt flowers

9.) LETTING go of things and people I can not change, while taking responsibility for the goodness
you bring in the world.

10.) The realization that in God's eyes, as seen through a child's eyes, I am LOVED.

I am so grateful for my joy.


Confession

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I have something I need to get off my chest.
It's not right.
I had to tell Mr. Belding last night over dinner.
I had to tell him because it isn't fair for him to not know.


I've fallen in love.


I've fallen in love with someone that is not Mr. Belding.
It didn't happen overnight.
I PROMISE.
It started with the occasional dinner.
We'd hang out, have a delicious meal of some kind and I'd be really happy.
Then, it started to be almost every night.
The dinner was always good.
Before I knew it, it WAS every night.
Every delicious meal.
I found myself online trying to find new ways to hang out with him.
He was just what I needed and I didn't even know.


You want to know the biggest surprise of all.
Mr. Belding has given us his blessing.
He thinks we make a good team.
He thinks...



We make good food together.
So I get to keep seeing him.
Like tonight.
Where we'll make this together.
Isn't he cute?

(As an aside, I've had my crock for about 4 years.  The white model.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE being able to change the size - it comes in three, 2, 4, and 6 quart.  Especially if I'm making and taking my Buffalo Chicken Dip and I don't want a gigantic pot of it.  It's gotten bad reviews, but as long as you take care of him, he'll last.)



Orpah's Lifeclass #5 - Joy Rising

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Class is in session!  Come on down!  Get a good seat and enjoy!


What brings you joy?
What steals your joy?*

Your joy rising.

I have a LOT to be joyful.  
A lot.
Seriously.
In the middle of the worst year ever, and starting to see the light on the other side of my life - I find I have more joy then ever before.

Oprah's episodes are absolutely a part of joy rising.

However, there are a lot of different things that bring me joy.

Here are just a few:
  1. Fall
  2. Fall rain
  3. Falling in the bathroom
  4. Mr. Belding
  5. Nieces and Nephews
  6. Crafting
  7. Learning
  8. Running
  9. Friends
  10. Laughter
  11. Endless Smiles
  12. Miss Witherell
  13. Thank Yous
  14. Your Welcomes
  15. Realizing you matter
  16. Love
  17. Inspiration
  18. Baking
  19. Birthdays
  20. Halloween.
Joy.
Joy.
Joy.

I've also been reading blogs, 2 in particular about young women's journey through IVF.
They fill me with a respect for these women and a prayer for them and them families.

My joy...err...their joy is THEY'RE PREGNANT.  
Two posts side by side in my little blog roll.

That folks, that's a lot of joy. 

It's a beautiful day. 

Please, let your joy rise.

Oprah's Lifeclass / Happy Book

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I want you to take this class too. 
Even if you don't get her network, which I just signed up for...sign into her website and watch there: Oprah's Lifeclass


Last night was her premiere episode and to say I was riveted doesn't even come close to the glazed look I had on my face the entire hour.  
I didn't move and cataloged everything as she said it.

I closed my eyes when she asked.

I evaluated my ego.

I think a part of my ego comes out on the blog. 
I allow it to be more me than I actually am myself.

There was so much I took away, but the salient thing I felt throughout the hour was:
You DEFINE yourself.
You are ALLOWED to define yourself.
And the POWER you FEEL others have over you (your thoughts/your choices/your growth)...is...GIVEN TO THEM BY YOUR EGO.

Sorry if that looks like I'm yelling.  It was all said with enthusiasm.  Her webcast after was just as good.

I'm trying to cut back on TV, as in cut it out completely, but I continue to need to make time for Rosie and Oprah.

And, apparently...myself.

Which, made me think of the gift my girls gave me at the end of my 8th summer at the Boston Ballet.

I've been doing that job for 8 years.  
I've LOVED doing it.
It's watched me grow.
Helped me grow.
It's ego aside some of the best work I've allowed myself to do.
With some of the greatest people I've ever worked with.
People that challenge me, question me, laugh and cry with me and make every day JOYFUL.

I do it for no other reason than I love it.  
It's as pure as a non-ego job as I can get.
I give it my all and I get that joy in return.

This summer, I also got this journal.

I sat outside my room on duty...it was the last night.

And cried.

Cried because I do my job there because I love it.  For no reward from anyone other than I just get to do my job.  BEST JOB EVER.

And here, on the floor of the 4th floor, outside the elevator, I was surrounded by a love I knew was there, I felt it EVERY DAY...but now was sitting around me in the form of gifts.

I didn't need it.

But, I accepted it.

This journal.  

As a thanks for the nightly notes I left my girls, my girls left me a summer note.

And I wept in their thoughtfulness, in their appreciation.  Mostly because I didn't need it.  There is no EGO involved in that job.  Just a shear love for the City of Boston, Boston Ballet, and my ladies.






The Christmas Wreath

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Also known as, Rena can't find the power cord to download craft photos.

:)

Nice.

Anyways, these photos were never posted and now that I'm O2F2N....officially off Facebook for now...and have EXPONENTIALLY more time on my hands and feel better about myself, I'll share this short story here.

This was our Christmas wreath 2010.  I know what you're thinking, your crafts skills have better have improved.  Believe you me, I'm working on them. 

It stayed up into January because it's also new year's-ie...right?  
At least that's what I told myself.
My sister on the other hand was going to kill me for leaving it up.

But God works in mysterious ways, and as always...there was a reason we left it up.

So someone could build a home.

Out of the cold, and away from the elements. 

They were pretty quiet neighbors and we didn't even realize they were moving in until, well, their home was finished. 


And I kinda didn't know they'd have so many babies, and they'd be messy, and protective neighbors, but I knew they needed that space away from the snow.

And sparrows are tiny.
And all of God's creatures are important.
Right?

And so they moved in.
At eye level and technically into our house EVERY time you opened the door.
But we had a bad winter in New England and I thanked God that he had found a safe shelter for them.

And then the babies came.

One at a time.

And they were BEAUTIFUL.

They were so little and every time I came home from school, I felt God's hands, securely around them.  Those neighbors of ours knew we meant no harm and would fly to the barren tree beside our house and wait for us to ooh and awe and then go inside.  Then they'd fly back and continue to rear.

Then it was Spring Break in April and time for me to travel to Virginia Beach.

When I came home.  

The BABIES were born!
2 Corinithians 9:8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

They grew up at our house.

We had the space.

They got even bigger. 
And some part of me learned about sharing.

And some part of me learned about space and that fact that sometimes all you need is family, space isn't so important.

And some part of me learned about caring.

My kindergarteners were fascinated when I shared the photos with them.


They got even BIGGER.  I stopped taking photos in their "teen" years because by then, I'll be honest, I was ready for them to learn to fly and leave.  They were so MESSY.  Never cleaned up after themselves.  Had friends over without asking.  Ate their parents out of wreath and home.

And then one day, just as quietly as they had moved in...they were gone.



And the Christmas wreath home was taken down.

But I felt good every time we saw the sparrows in the now growing tree.
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